Its not that easy!

Yesterday I went to the gym on the way home for a run.  The sky was blue in Mansfield but hubby said it was raining in Chesterfield… so treadmill It was.

Running, in the past, has been the only time I can totally zone out.  Sometimes I ‘write’ whole blog posts in my head but then I get home… zilch… nada… all gone.  

Sometimes, I try put the world to rights… get home… cannot for the life of me remember the plan…  Its been like my meditation… I totally zone out and ALWAYS feel better for it.

On Sunday we learnt about breath, the mechanics, the physiology, the anatomy… I loved it!

We practised breathing… abdominal, thoracic and clavicular…

It was snowing… there was no way I could concentrate or still my mind.

We did the whole ‘ommmmm’ chanting thing…  I don’t like chanting… at all… I would rather not, I don’t feel comfortable, I don’t like the vibration, I can’t explain it… thank goodness it was only for around 3 minutes…  Sorry Dave 😉

So, the plan was to… yesterday, after my run, go into the yoga studio upstairs at the gym and practice some breathing all on my own…

Throughout my run, where I usually relax and DEstress, I stressed about GOING to relax… can you baaaalieve!

Anyhow I went up, stretched and thought I end off with just 10 minutes of breathing and relaxation…  I couldn’t do it.  I left.  I just couldn’t do it.  Stretch yes, but just sit and breathe? nah!

I did feel a little disappointed, but I know this is all new to me and I just have to keep trying.  Fight the anxiety.  Hopefully when we move and I have more space, home may feel a safer place to try.

Dave wants a ‘written’ journal… so I will keep up with this one too, as I prefer to write a blog.  Besides 🙂 I can’t read my own handwriting…

Anything I add to my ‘written’ journal I will scan and add here.

Off to a work meeting in London tomorrow… I may take time out to draw in my written journal or do a bit of reading in my course book.

Sore butt cheek still… but much better than last week!


2 thoughts on “Its not that easy!”

  1. Really intersting CeeJay to read about your struggles with anxiety about relaxing!!! Who could need to learn to do this more?😆😆 when I first started chanting I felt a bit silly but interestingly it is about all those vibrations that you feel- it’s suppposed to help you to align to the ‘vibration of the univers’e – y’know how all the little atoms are actually vibrating all the time. Anyhow stick with it, learning to relax and still your mind (or at least step back and observe what it’s chattering on about) has been really useful for me and I hope that it will be for you too😘😘

    Liked by 1 person

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